‘My Beautiful Caitlyn’
by Patricia Roche
We connect through
the softest skin
flawless like her soul.
And those deep hazel pools fringed in brown
piercing me with silent questioning.
Do you see ME?
‘Daddy’s little girl’
Sole sister to four
Niece, cousin, patient, friend
Master teacher and victim soul
Betrayed by the safe haven of my womb
Code blue colored all . . . for life
Pale, muted shades of
baby . . . girl . . . woman
as birthday sequelae unfolded
and even still . . .
Patient perfection somewhat disguised
as I slowly
learn . . . unlearn
Love . . . from my precious living Word!
So quiet, so pure – paralyzed, and in-between . . .
miracle and routine and disorder.
Total dependence on grace . . . on God . . .
on me . . . and on her Daddy.
And so it goes . . . year to year . . . as time moves on and others grow.
NO! “. . . hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Cor. 4:8)
Because of my Cate . . . and LOVE within her transcending and teaching us all Truth . . .
And . . . her need of small mercies . . .
That even babies of brothers draw near to give.
Each echoing her purity . . .
The strength of weakness comforting
eyes that can see . . . ears that can hear.
Heaven peeks through daily storms
Light from light
Gorgeous smile cutting through
‘Where soul and spirit meet’.
My precious Catie
You show me heaven’s narrow way -
my darkness showing in your pure light.
patiently await my surrender . . . as your richness
Your angels tell me secrets.
Your sweetness heals me . . .
“For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.
So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.” (2 Cor. 4:11-12)
29 years now since I gave birth
My beautiful, sweet, sweet daughter
I love you so!
Zephaniah3: God’s promise for you my Sweetheart
14 Shout for joy, O daughter of Zion!
Shout in triumph, O Israel!
Rejoice and exult with all your heart,
“O daughter of Jerusalem!
15 The LORD has taken away His judgments against you,
He has cleared away your enemies.
The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst;
You will fear disaster no more.
16 In that day it will be said to Jerusalem:
“Do not be afraid, O Zion;
Do not let your hands fall limp.
17 “The LORD your God is in your midst,
A ]victorious warrior.
He will exult over you with joy,
He will [f]be quiet in His love,
He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.
18 “I will gather those who grieve about the appointed feasts—
They [g]came from you, O Zion;
The reproach of exile is a burden on [h]them.
19 “Behold, I am going to deal at that time
With all your oppressors,
I will save the lame
And gather the outcast,
And I will turn their shame into praise and renown
In all the earth.
20 “At that time I will bring you in,
Even at the time when I gather you together;
Indeed, I will give you renown and praise
Among all the peoples of the earth,
When I restore your fortunes before your eyes,”
Says the LORD.”
UPDATE–”Jenny, I wanted to tell you that the day you posted my poem about my daughter Caitlyn she went by ambulance to the hospital with a sudden illness. Cate passed away @ 10:33 the following day. Please pray for me and my husband and family and ask your fellow prayer warriors to do the same. I wondered why I felt compelled to write something which focused on Cate’s essence. . .and asked myself repeatedly why I didn’t wait until she turned 30. Now I see the Lord was preparing me to do something for her funeral. Catie waited until all of her brothers were at her side and looked each one in the eyes and squeezed their hands. That final gift was priceless. She also had the most beautiful funeral with almost everyone important in her life present. It’s still all a blur but she is at peace now and that is a comfort, however, our hearts are broken.”