Lord, I am so sorry. I know I have said time and time and time and time again, that I would not wander around the world wide web. But I did. I was “bored” and really, if I had been doing all the things I should have and could have been doing, “bored” would be an obscure word in my momma vocabulary.
Me, wandering around the web is like my teens horsing around an open over door…they know they shouldn’t. My older children know what can happen, just like I know what can happen following clicks I have no business following. And I wonder if You feel the same way I would feel if one of my children messed around and got hurt? My heart would be breaking for their injury and I’d want to do something to take the pain away from them. But I would also remind them, “This is why we don’t do that. There are consequences for doing what you are not supposed to be doing and ignoring what you should be doing.” Is that how You feel right about now with me God?
Lord, how many times have we been here? I know me. You know me. We both know the “what if worries” I battle. The last time…and the time before that…and the time before that…and the time before that…when I stumbled onto something that caused me to lose my peace, I promised I would not do that again. But I do…and I always regret it. And I did and I immediately started praying for holy forgetfulness. I wanted to bleach my mind Lord. I wanted to forget the tragic news I only read the headline to. The headline Lord, that’s all I read…and that was waaaaayyyy to much for me. I knew better Lord. And I’m sorry.
A simple headline made up of a dozen or less words, that’s all it takes to send me into a frenzied game of “what if…” and “but…” And guess who else knows that besides You and me…yep, the enemy of my heart, mind and soul. He was just waiting around for an opportune time, another chance at me. And I walked right into it Lord. I walked right into the ever open oven door and got burned.
Here’s the thing Lord, I want to live a joy filled life. I want to life an abundant life and that will not happen wandering around the internet. It just won’t! I can fool myself into thinking all the lovely scripture quotes on Pinterest are the equivalent of actually reading Your Word…but it isn’t. I can pretend researching a better way to cook, clean, organize, homeschool, and pray will actually translate into hours spent doing the very thing…but it won’t. What I’m doing each and every click I follow, or each time I make a visit to an old homeschooling board I haven’t been on in a while, what I’m doing Lord is wasting my precious God given time. Time You have given me to know, love and serve You and to teach You to this house full of kids. I am wasting my time walking through a war zone for my mind wearing a big ‘ol bulls-eye.
I’m sorry Lord. I’m sorry for wasting my time…Your time. I’m sorry for the sin of sloth and unnecessary curiosity that always gets me into the pit meant for my destruction. Lord, I pray for that hurting family. And I pray for myself. I pray for the grace necessary to reset my mind. I pray for fortitude to do what I am supposed to do…all for Your glory.
Philippians 4:8–Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.